Surviving June

Well I am on the downturn of partying for the month and have managed to loose some weight..Thank The Good Lord!!!

However, I do have one more in the beginning of July but I am determine to not overeat there!.

A month of parties

I skipped last week's weigh in because well...it was the holiday and I did some holiday eating!!! Actually this past weekend was a kid's graduation party and next weekend will be a 3 year old's birthday party so if I loose any weight this month it will be awesome! I swear every weekend I will be tempted to eat overbroad! I know when it comes to adult events I can curb my eating but there is something about a kid's party where my will power goes out the window. Maybe it's the feeling of being a kid again, but I know that I will have to set-up the work-out sessions to balance things out.

A Slow Down

I was loosing about one to two pounds a week consistently, but for some reason I only lost a couple of ounces. This could be due to certain IBS problems, or muscle gain. I have been pretty good with my diet and went from working out 6 days a week to 7, so food wise I am not sure I can lower my calorie intake much more or I would be in the land of eating disorders.

Anyway, was soo disappointed with my kickboxing workout. Thought it was going to kick my butt, but it was very inconsistent and poorly filmed...thanks a lot Billy Blanks! However, I also have a Bikini Body Bootcamp dvd that has two 30 minute workouts with a 15 min on the go section and let me tell you that it kicks some serious butt!!!

I did the first circuit training workout and my legs are in pain. I plan to do schedule my workout as follows:

Monday:
First 30 min Bikini Body Bootcamp (BBB)
Tuesday:
Basic Yoga Booty Ballet (BYBB)
Wednesday:
Second 30 min BBB
Thursday:
Advanced BYBB
Friday:
3 mile Power Walk
Saturday:
Kickboxing
Sunday:
4 mile Power Walk

Tummy Trouble

As the scale continues its slow decline, I am starting to get frustrated at my stomach. Why it's still so flabby and refuses to tone is beyond me. I work-out at least 30 mins. in the mornings seven days a week and even add a 30-45 min walk at least two times a week on top of that, I also eat between 800-16oo calories a day and yet the tummy just sags and sags. I look like I have given birth to five kids and there is no hope for return!

Yes I am grateful that I am still loosing and getting closer to my goal sooner than I thought I would, but I guess I was hoping that my tummy would start shrinking at some point.

Anyway, I am going to kick my cardio up to high gear next week with adding some intense kickboxing to my routine. I'm excited to start feeling exhausted after a workout instead of being a little flush!

Onward Soldier!

I swear it is such a chore to get out of bed bright and early...more like dark and early to workout, but I have to keep doing it!

I have started doing Yoga with my Yoga Booty Ballet dvds and let me tell you it hurts! I'm not sure what brings on the pain more...the ballet section or the yoga section, but I always feel it two days later.

I think I am going to start belly dancing to add to the variety because I have a tendency to get bored really quickly.

Zoo

Yesterday I went to lunch and had some yummy scrambled egg tacos...and was so satisfied that I wasn't hungry till 10:00pm and ate some mini rice cakes (which are fantastic by the way).

So I have lost one pound last week and if I can keep up loosing one a week then that would be great for a longer lasting weight loss. Slow is always better.

Anyway, also went to the zoo with Princeton and enjoyed some of the great weather and got some leisure exercise walking around seeing all the animals. One thing I hate about my city is you can't waste one second of great weather because it goes away so quickly.

Survival of the Single

Tonight I went to a surprise party for a friend that was put together by her boyfriend...and I am happy to say that I wasn't tempted in the least bit by the table of food and only had one glass of wine and ate my rice cakes. Being 30 plus pounds away from my goal doesn't really allow me to cheat or to be really lax. I have to loose another 15 pounds before I can be comfortable around food in which I am not sure of the calorie count.

Anyway, it was a really nice party and the bf put a lot of thought and heart into it. It made me kinda think how awesome it must be to have someone in your life that cares about you that much and goes to such lengths to make you happy...this is a total and complete foreign concept in my world. There are a lot of great things about being single, but none of them really can compare to having someone in your life that thinks you are worth the effort.

I get nervous when I think about what it will mean to be 50 and single. Yeah I am only 27 going on 28, but it does stresses me out to think about having to survive this life alone...tonight really has got me to thinking about how I am going to secure my future financially and emotionally by myself...I have got to start making decisions about this things.

The Mirror's Reflection

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Today I glanced in the mirror and it suddenly hit...I am ONE SEXY WOMAN !!! Not JUST because I am loosing weight and seeing a more defined body, but because everyday I am finding out the strength I have in such a trying time.

I am amazed at the leaps and bounds I have made at being a survivor...and even though there are times where I throw a fit because life just isn't fair...I know that I am still a better person than I was a year ago and even a week ago. My weight loss for me is a symbol of shedding some much negative energy that I have been carrying around about myself. With every inch I loose, or for every pound I shed, or for every muscle I gain, I realize that I am loosing: self-hatred, self-doubt, feelings of not being good enough, pretty enough, or smart enough, and at the same time I am gaining strength.

I am also feeling free from the prison of food. I am so dedicated to taking care of my body and am so freaking proud of myself for putting my health first and not "dating" my food. I finally feel like a true single woman! I am also trying to not worship my scale either because I know that in the process of dieting that weight can go up and down, so I don't need to punish myself with insane calorie restrictions.

I now realize that taking care of my body is really what makes me feel beautiful even though I'm about 35 pounds away from my goal. I am now planning on celebrating life instead of re-living past regret!!!!

Catching-up

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So over the past few days I have stepped it up in the work-out department, eaten more veggies and fiber, but yet I feel so exhausted! However, I have discovered that McDonalds have a southwest chicken salad that is only 330 cal count and totally yummie! However, don’t eat the 100 cal salad dressing with it, and get one of the 40 cal count ones. I got the vinaigrette one (and only use half the packet) and it made the salad taste great. Finally, McDonald's made a salad that didn't have lettuce that look like they took it from one of the burgers. My only compliant is that there wasn't enough corn and beans and too much tortilla strips.

Have lots of thoughts but too tired to write about them.

Dieting Highs:
Not allowing my busy schedule yesterday from making a smart healthy choice.

Dieting Lows:
Happy to say today I have none!

Weight Watch:
Current weight: 184.
Yesterday’s weight: 184.0
Goal weight: 150.0

Dinning Success

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Well I made it! Though I drank a half of bottle of wine, I picked the best food options on the small menu. However, due to the drinking I gained a few ounces thus after doing family stuff in the am, I worked out like crazy! I ran a little, did the stepper, and then did the three miles Walk Away the Pounds video.
Lifestyle changes: N/A

Dieting Highs:

Though I drank too much, I was really successful and not overeating or making poor food choices

Dieting Lows:

Drinking too much.

Weight Watch:

Current weight: 185.6

Yesterday’s weight: 185.2

Goal weight: 150.0

Will I survive a Night-Out?

Sanjaya Went home last night…that made me pretty happy! Anyway, gained some ounces but I’m not too worried about that. Weight fluctuates when you are loosing plus I only ate 1,120 calories yesterday so I know it has more to do with my system than my eating habits. Plus, since I decided it is important to build some muscle, I am going to have to get use to the scale going up some times…muscle just weighs more. Anyway, a little worried about dinning tomorrow. Having dinner with B-Day and we aren’t going to our standard place where I know I can get a good healthy and hearty salad. This will be my first dinning experience since I have taken my diet or shall I say lifestyle change seriously. It will be a test and I am quite nervous and excited about how well I do.

Lifestyle changes:
Still having body image issues…not that I expected them to disappear over night, but it is getting tiring looking at my reflection in the mirror while walking down the street and seeing a hippo-woman.

Dieting Highs:
My sister brought home cupcakes and not only did I not eat them (though I still had calorie room) but I just didn’t want any….if you truly know me (which my Twin does through and through) then you will know that is a huge accomplishment…in fact I can’t wait to tell her! Gosh I miss her! She is my go-to when I am stress because she just listens and let me feel what I am feeling and that’s worth three candy bars of stress relief! I don’t get to talk to her too often…almost less than once a week, but I am going to try to make sure we catch-up at least once a week by phone and twice a week by email. I talked to her Sunday for two hours and it felt good to vent and laugh….it is so much better than drowning your frustration with life in a tub of ice cream.

Dieting Lows:
None really…just need to eat more fiber.

Weight Watch:
Current weight: 185.2
Yesterday’s weight: 184.6
Goal weight: 150.0

Thinspiration Pic:

I know Where the Beef Is

Dieting thoughts:
My thighs are burning with the passion of ten thousands suns! I only did four sets of eight-count squats and my thighs feel like I spent the night with Clive Owens…and mind you I did this on Monday!!!
Anyway, I feel sluggish thanks to eating beef last night. I haven’t had a lot of it in the past three weeks, but had some on Sunday and started feeling off then, so why I didn’t listen to that little voice last night that said it clearly wasn’t a good idea to eat the meatloaf…I do not know. Thus, I am drinking water like it’s my religion.

Lifestyle changes:
So the jury is still out on when I am going to make that spiritual journey of restricting sugar intake, but the cutting out the consumption of animals with hooves that moo starts today. I am sick of eating insane amounts of fiber to have a harmonious body. I also realize that I am getting older and my metabolism doesn’t have any plans to return to its youth. Some people think that you can eat anything as long as it is in moderation, and it is true for some people, but not all. I figure if I am too old to shop at Wet Seal, then what makes me think I can still eat like I am in college…heck when I was in college I didn’t have the metabolism to eat like I did. So I am giving up beef, rarely eating pork, and am embracing my family’s strange fanatical passion for all things poultry.

Dieting Highs:
Didn’t get to eat lunch till 1:30 and wasn’t hungry…of course that is thanks to beef and insane amount of water.

Dieting Lows:
I’m supposed to weight train again today but I fear my thighs might explode.

Weight Watch:
Current weight: 184.6
Yesterday’s weight: 185.0
Goal weight: 150.0

Thinspiration Pic:

Body Image

Dieting thoughts:
Made it through the afternoon yesterday without a snack, but did have one before bed…I need to control between meal snacking with good options. Anyway, strength-training is a lot more fun than cardio and I plan on doing some more tonight! I like the challenge and the thought of getting stronger and more defined. I am amaze that I have the discipline to do the work on my own…all this time I thought I needed an instructor on a dvd to tell me what to do.


Lifestyle changes:
Anyway, I realize that I need to stop kicking myself in the head about my weight. I keep berating myself for letting myself get this far again…but what I need to remember is that when I gained and lost weight the first time, I never acknowledged my successful and still saw myself as a fat girl, so it was too easy to put it back on to prove my negative thinking right. Well now I am working on seeing myself as a thin girl who go a little lazy in the area of discipline but is getting back on track. I now realize that I will never loose this weight if I continue to see myself through “fat-glasses”.

In looking back over the sizes of clothing I have bought both thin and fat…it is sad that I really never knew what size I really was because I was so hell bent on buying my clothes two sizes too big constantly. I use to fight my Twin every time we went shopping because I would swear up and down I was a certain size and would march right into Lane Bryant to shop and get then offended if the women in there gave me dirty looks. Just recently I went shopping with my friend Princeton and it took her ten minutes to convince that buying a larger sweater was not a good idea. So, I am going to work on my body-image distortions.


Dieting Highs:
Not being hungry after lunch today

Dieting Lows:
Not drinking enough water.

Weight Watch:
Current weight: 185.0
Yesterday’s weight: 185.8
Goal weight: 150.0

Thinspiration Pic:

Problem Weekends

Dieting thoughts:

So I have finally become obsessed and neurotic about dieting…which in my case is a good thing. I am starting to re-think everything I put in mouth. However, I must say I HATE the weekends! For some reason I get thrown-off track. I guess because I sleep a little later which means I don’t eat breakfast and I am a little bit more flexible on calorie in-take (mainly because I don’t eat my Lean Cuisine on the weekends); therefore, it takes till Wednesday to stop feeling hungry all the time. It’s frustrating giving into hunger but I am going to try with all my will power not to consume a mid-afternoon snack. I need to keep reminding myself that I refuse to go into my 30’s fat!!!

I also must say that I am enjoying reading diet success stories and healthy food articles everyday online or in magazines. It makes me feel like I’m not the only one out there that needs to loose 30 or more pounds and that there is light at the end of this tunnel. Though the rest of my life is falling down around me, I am finding a happiness and elation every time I step on the scale and see a new number. I weigh myself daily to make myself accountable for everything I consume and for the first time in forever I jump out of bed excited to step on the scale and look at my body in the buff.


Lifestyle changes:

I am noticing that I have a tendency to eat while on the phone so I have decided to cut out phone time after dinner and focus on getting in my workout and getting to bed on time. I also realize that sometimes I want to eat even when I’m not truly hunger (no growl), so I am now distracting myself with writing or other activities.

I’m also doing this whole death to cardio thing and am swapping out my hour walk for a 20 min strength training program three times a week…I am hoping that I will start to see visible signs of weight-loss. For some reason whenever I loose weight my body starts to sag so I am in need of some toning.


Dieting Highs:

I was able to pass on my sister’s birthday dinner for a healthier option (salad) and had room for cake.

Dieting Lows:

I am realizing that eating certain sugary snacks makes me hungry and that I will probably have to cut out sugar from my food-intake period.

Weight Watch:
4/16/07

Starting weight: 210
Current weight: 185.8
Goal weight: 150
Maintenance weight variance: 155-165

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